Something is terribly wrong & we need your help!

All we do 24/7 is boring old VPMi web 2.0 project management and portfolio management software.  We have heated and endless debates on capacity planning, resource management, prioritization, and workflow.  We have had countless opportunities to expand our business beyond our core, but our passion and focus remains to allow our customers to reach their full potential through simple, sensible, supportable web-based project management software.

Our competitors?  Not so much...

To prove my point I visited a few of our competitors to get an early jump on my holiday shopping list!  Take a look!

Computer Associates (CA)

Being the industry trend setters and marketers that they are I am always trolling their site to pick up future trends in marketing software.  So you know what is going to be all the rage in internet marketing? 

Do you?

Wait for it... Wait for it...

ITSEMTCEKGBAB!!! 

I kid you not.  This is CA's million dollar marketing campaign and slogan.  I slammed my laptop closed and fired all of our marketing people for not coming up with this type of brilliant idea! 

Seriously, I almost feel sorry for them if this is the best they can do.

Anyway - let's see what we can pick up from this project management powerhouse that is on our holiday shopping list!

First off, I always have to be sure I am on the right site as the word project doesn't appear anywhere on their home page.  After 5-6 clicks I was able to finally confirm they do have a project management software solution.

	Perhaps a $60 Computer Associates security flash drive for Uncle Joe.  At the last family reunion Joe was voted "most likely to take over for the uni-bomber" and we figure he needs all the security hardware he can get!  Maybe they can package one of these with Clarity PPM and only charge $1,000,060 for them and see if they get any takers!
	For my cousin Jimmy, since he is always on the Internet (doing heaven knows what) I think we will get him Anti-Spyware PLUS.  I think the plus stands for "better", but I am not a marketing guru like CA so I can't be 100% sure. I assume they will come out with a Clarity PLUS at some point to - to the delight of their customer base!
	For my cousin Alice I am thinking a Computer Associates Personal Firewall would be best.  You never know when those Eastern Europe mafia hackers are going to try to take over her Kitten Screen Saver.  BTW - aren't all Firewall's "personal"?  Is it really necessary to call it personal?  Oops - I accidentally gave them another idea for a product that isn't related to project management.  Sorry about that Clarity customers.

All this from the self proclaimed leaders in Portfolio Management Software!  It is amazing they can even find that stuff in the warehouse with everything else they sell.

eProject Daptiv

I thought as one of the leaders in Web 2.0 project management software that surely there would be nothing other then project management on their site!

Wrong.  Although there is nothing I can add to my holiday shopping cart this year apparently all of that is about to change!

First, apparently they are so embarrassed to just be eProject they changed their name to Daptiv. 

Are you kidding me!?!?  They went from one of the most recognizable internet brands to meaningless gibberish just so they can diverge their attention from their core and develop unrelated products and services to increase revenue.  They are going to get killed in their search engine placement and leave their customers wondering what the heck is going on?

As CEO Jeff Pancottine explains in his blog while being interviewed by Tim (his intern or something):

"Well, as I mentioned we were looking for a name that was less specific, and that would be flexible as we grow our business.  I think Daptiv evokes some things, but it’s not intended to “mean” anything.  You’ll notice that even the typography of our new brand identity is a little bit casual, a little bit playful."

Alas, I don't know how many times in the last 9+ years our customers have demanded we branch into other markets and become more playful.  We just can't seem to adapt like Daptiv - the playful company who is controlled by VCs looking to squeeze every ounce of blood from their investment and are praying day and night that Oracle or Cisco buys them out.  Where does that leave customers paying $45/user/month?  I guess their MBA school was better then mine because I don't get it at all.

I imagine this will be the new Deming quote adapted for Daptiv: 

It is not necessary to change. Survival being Playful is optional."

37Signals

I am always a little bit nervous after visiting their web site.  You see, 37Signals is more cult then business and I don't want to end up on some Homeland Security "no-fly" list or something. 

At lease I have the Computer Associates anti spyware software to clean things up when I am done!  Now back to my shopping...

For my cousin Jenny, I think I will get her BackPack.  It is an organizer, a calendar, and by my eyes, a collection of every widget they could stuff in there (which is typical for all 37Signals products).  All in way that is more expensive and less intuitive then Google's free Google Apps!  Brilliant! Now if they can only figure out a way to sell me the air I breathe!

For my brother John, I will get him a copy of Getting Real!  Apparently Getting Real means abusing and ignoring your customers in the chat rooms and creating project management software for people that don't do project management and don't know what project management really is. Check this out if you don't believe me or do a Google search for yourself.  I would say to call them but they don't answer the phone for customers, only for VCs trying to get them to sell out.

So in case you don't want to read Getting Real and you want to build an internet business anyway let me sum it all up for you:

• Create a development framework for Cowboy Coders
• Belittle people who disagree with your assessment of what is critical and what is not in software
• Start a cult
• Write a book
• Create project management software that doesn't really do projects or management
• Tell the world you don't need VC Funding
• Take VC Funding and tell the world how "selective you are by take Jeff Bezos/Amazon" money

Now that they have Amazon's Venture Capital hand around their necks, I guess we know why they were so selective.  Who else in the history of business has grown more recklessly, lost more money, and is now only able to show a profit occasionally through accounting "practices".

Brilliant!

I would expect that next year there will be a lot more products for sale that have nothing to do with pretend project management!  Cha ching!

Microsoft

Ah, my favorite holiday destination for all things not related to project management software! 

Even though there are serious, terrible flaws in Microsoft Project 2007 that until recently, Microsoft wouldn't even commit to fixing, they didn't even let customers know the extent of the problem.

So let's see what is so important that the self proclaimed leader in project management software can't fix their own software!

For my nephew Brad, how about a copy of Math 3.0!  Apparently, Math 2.0 and 1.0 are so yesterday!  If you look, they even throw in Science to Math 3.0.  It isn't even an Easter Egg you have to unlock!  Apparently this is the type of stuff they are working on at M$ instead of SP1 for Microsoft Project Server 2007.

Here is my brother Steve being attended to by my sister Katy.  For Steve I am going with the Microsoft Natural Wireless Laser Mouse 6000!  (Note - nothing says "nature" to me more then a post-apocalyptic inspired wireless laser mouse!) You see Steve is having problems getting Microsoft Project to work since it won't save as an HTML file any longer (you pay M$ for an upgrade so they remove the most important features - Brilliant!). He also found out if he wants to save a Project 2007 file into a database he has to "upgrade" to the horribly complex and expensive Microsoft EPM Server software. So when Steve is slamming his mouse against the desk in frustration at Microsoft's project management software - I want him to have only the best!

Whew!  Who knew how many wonderful and diverse products and services the (so called) project management software companies were peddling? 

I guess we are like the buggy whip manufacturers of old that couldn't figure out that being 100% focused and passionate on one solution, providing live people to answer the phone and help customers on the first ring, and not selling our souls to VC to pursue the almighty dollar (customer be damned) would become so outmoded and backwards!

So do you have any ideas for products not related to project management software that we can sell? 

Can you think of any VCs we can sell out to so we can focus on their ROI and not your needs?

Can you recommend any stinging comebacks we can use against customers that write us with product suggestions?

Please help!  We obviously don't know what we are doing and can't do this without you!

Virtually yours,
Nick Matteucci, MBA

Author: Nick Matteucci is a co-founder of VCSonline.com a web 2.0 project management software company headquartered in St. Louis Missouri. Mr. Matteucci is also an active board member and the Chief Technology Officer for the PMI ISSIG. When not obsessing over virtual project management best practices Mr. Matteucci enjoys spending time with his wife and three small children. He also enjoys travel, running, and all things automotive.

Bookmark this post: