SEATTLE - Recently the InfoWorld published their list of "Tech's all-time top 25 flops".  When the bodies were counted, the worst software flop of all time went to Vista.  There to accept the InfoWorld Golden Floppy award was Microsoft's very own Bill Gates, who gave all the credit to Microsoft Project EPM Server 2007. 

"With Vista the slogan right from the start was 'we brought the personal computer into this world, and we can take it out.'" stated Gates fighting back tears during his acceptance speech.  "When it comes to project management we couldn't find our way out of an empty room but we couldn't take Vista's failure for granted.  We looked at using other EPM systems like Clarity, HP PPM, and ChangePoint, but we wanted to sink the project faster then an Iranian attack boat and those other packages often take a year to fail.  So we had the fellas cobble together some leftover FrontPage code and - Walla - Project Server was born.  With Vista's plan in Project Server the results were as immediate and predictable as a blue screen of death."

"The eighth wonder of the world is that Microsoft even sells enterprise project management software" stated Gartner analyst Kyle Stephens.  "I mean, here is a company that repeatedly fails to meet project deadlines, scope, or cost and yet companies line up to buy themselves a piece of that?  I guess companies are so desperate for project predictability that even guaranteed failure of a known magnitude feels like progress."

"When we heard they were going to upgrade Microsoft Project 2007 we knew it couldn't get any worse," said PMO manager Sandra Benson of Sony Corporation.  "Microsoft charged us a small mint to remove open database connectivity, save as HTML, and apparently any code that made the software stable.  Apparently upgrade for MS Project is addition by subtraction.  I just wish they would have brought back that barking dog that would give you project tips!  Nothing said professional PM software like a beagle puppy telling you what a Gantt chart is." 

Later at the lavish backstage InfoWorld party, Gates reminisced wistfully about the Vista project failure award, "You know I really wish Paul Allen could be here with me tonight.  I understand he is too busy using Microsoft Project Server to drive success at Charter Communications."  As for the future, Gates had this to add, "nobody fails to plan, they only plan to fail.  Or is it the other way around?  Anyway - do me a favor and look it up and print it the right way.  I don't want people to think we have no idea about enterprise project management, OK?" 

©2008 VCSonline. All rights reserved. This PMS blog is a satire. None of the details in this blog are real. All names are made up, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. All quotes are fictional and any similarity to actual quotes is coincidental.

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